I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
