ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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