She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
