best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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