I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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