Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
