I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They have beer where we have blood.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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