so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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