I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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