Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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