my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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