how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
