There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
