What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
