There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
