He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
