Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
