Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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