You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
