Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
