Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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