Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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