16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
