Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
