Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
