I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
