Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
