why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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