first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
