Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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