He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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