wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want nice things and good sex
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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