just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
