I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
