she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
