btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
