I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
