At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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