And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize