So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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