Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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