you have to choose: penises or morals?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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