am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
