walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
