we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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