it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
