Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
