we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize