Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize