I'm jealous of your bromance
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
