she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
