yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
