i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
