You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
