even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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