I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
