She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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