Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
