Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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