I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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