is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
