I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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