i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
