Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
