So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
