He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize